A Mother's Day Wish

This Mother's Day I spent the late morning with my grandmother and grandfather, and had a brief talk with my mentor on the phone. I'm reading Mother Daughter Wisdom and taking good care of myself. Even though I had a mom growing up (and still have her!), I had to do a lot of mothering of myself and my brother and sister. Addiction kept much of my mother, and even when she was there in a physical sense, the emotional, spiritual and psychological aspects were diluted or altogether missing. I love my mom ceaselessly and I forgive her, but that doesn't mean I continue to put up with hurtful behavior and unnecessary drama. It's time for me to take care of myself and put my own needs before the needs of my mother. In doing so, I prepare myself for the time in which I, too, become a mother. It's no easy road to walk, especially on days like today, but I have little doubt anymore that it is the right one for me and probably my mother, as well, though she has her own path and I can't pretend to know what is right for her.

It's funny, well actually it's sad, but I was downstairs earlier today with my grandparents and their caretaker, Judy, and we were discussing Mother's Day and being a mom. Judy told me (half joking, I hope), "See--the reason you're so happy and full of life is because you ain't a mom yet. Just wait until you have kids and see how them kids make you. Soon you'll be old and miserable like the rest of us!"

Hmph! What a way to feel about motherhood. I know it's a difficult job and that there are lots of sacrifices that must be made again and again until the day you die, but I'd hope that they are sacrifices you do lovingly and in the spirit of nurturing and supporting your life and dreams and those of your children. I'd hate to feel like my kids are responsible for my misery and old age. I know that each of us are 100% responsible for the state of our own lives now and that children depend upon their parents or caretakers for their well-being. They have no choice, really. But as adults it's up to us to assume responsibility for the state of our lives--our well being, our finances, our health and family and all the rest of it. I don't always like to admit it, but by accepting and living from a place of full responsibility for my life now as an adult I come from a stronger place of power and strength, a place of infinite possibilities and creativity rather than being a victim of my past or current circumstances. There's no strength in that.

So Happy Mother's Day to anyone who might be reading this. Do yourself a favor and spend some time today mothering yourself and taking care of your own needs first. You can go back to helping others before yourself another day, but just for today, put yourself first. See how it feels. Sometimes we have to give ourselves what we wish we could get from others, and there's nothing wrong with doing exactly that.